i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize