i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
