I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
