this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
