i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
