just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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