I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
