Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
