You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
two words...techno handjob
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
