i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
