So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
