god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
