when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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