I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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