remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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