I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
