you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
