Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize