She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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