I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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