So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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