If i come over, it means nothing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
