I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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