do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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