from now on my penis is your penis
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
