Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
