lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
