based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
