i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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