people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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