its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
