if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
