There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
