We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
