Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
