You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
