MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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