Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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