two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
