My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
