It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
