Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
