quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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