I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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