I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
