I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wear drunk well.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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