I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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