My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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