I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
