i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
