Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Michael Bay diarrhea
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm experimenting with sincerity
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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