he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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