We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
