I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
