What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize