just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize