FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In America we eat man semen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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