i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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