i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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