you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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