stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
