Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize