drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
