Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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