The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
