OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're like the curious george of whores
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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