Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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