also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
