she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
