i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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