I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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