babies were throwing up all over the place
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
