never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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