Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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