"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
