She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
