I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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