I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
