Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
