He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
