if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
