Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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