i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You did what with his pubic hair?
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