I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
