i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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