THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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