the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
