I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
