I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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