Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
