come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
