Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
