So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
