ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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