I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
