It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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